Thursday, April 29, 2010

A conscious decsion...

This morning I got up at my new early hour for riding my bike before work, looked out at the wind and threatening skies and consciously made the decision that I didn't want to ride today. I ran through several justifications in my mind - "it's not good to work hard everyday as your body does need time to recover."; "With the coldness and the wind I might get blown off the bike," and other thoughts along those lines. Then I came to realize that it just didn't seem like it would be any fun at all. That is the real reason I didn't ride this morning. I know that's not a very good reason, but there it is.

Now I know that exercising and eventually training for an event are not always going to be fun. There are going to be times when I am going to have to fight through adversity of many types and just keep going. This is a fact that I know intellectually, but right now I guess I don't have the drive and determination to get beyond these small adversities. I am working on it. I do feel very guilty about not riding this morning because I let something as small as cooler temperatures and a bit of wind keep me from doing what I really should be doing.

You, good readers, are my sounding board and my tool for getting to the real heart of the matter. By putting down the words in this space it forces me to look at myself and cut through the BS and get to the real heart of the matter. Before I got my new bike and started riding again, I would read about these rides others are doing and think I was still that much younger, more fit version of myself and say to myself I can do that no problem. I think back to the late 70's and early 80's when we did all of those bike-a-thons for the March of Dimes of 50 miles and even the 100 mile ride from the State Fair Grounds in Detroit up to Flint and back and I still think I can do those types of things no problem! I envisioned myself getting the new bike and immediately jumping on and going for a 20 or 30 mile ride without a care in the world.

Well, reality has hit me square in the face! I'm not that same semi-fit person I was back then. I am a 420 lb out of shape 47 year old who when I got the new bike struggled to ride a single mile. This I will change. I know intellectually that it will take time and it will take lots of effort, but emotionally I am very impatient. I want to skip the work and get to the part where I can have a fun 30 or 40 mile ride and not even think about it.

Part of my inspiration is Robin Riding in the 100 miles to nowhere in just over a week. She is riding in support of Livestrong and I admire her for taking on that challenge. Before my reality check, in my mind I could be riding right along with her for the entire 100 miles No Problem! - not true! I will have to work hard to get myself back into shape to be able to take on that type of a challenge.

I know we must crawl before we can walk and walk before we can run, I just want to get there faster!